My closest friend is deeply in love with me personally. Therefore now Sue is extremely hurt and seems betrayed.

Every week our relationship specialist, Sarah Abell, answers visitors’ concerns on psychological problems.

7:00AM GMT 15 Mar 2011

In the past my closest friend, Sue, explained she had dropped in love beside me and I also brushed her off saying, “I don’t feel exactly the same way, you’re my closest friend, I’m straight”. She is at the full time and is still in a relationship that is committed children. We always been close friends throughout the full years with durations where she’d take away from our relationship however we’d make contact with being fine once more, at the very least, we thought we did.

Sue now informs me she’s got held it’s place in love beside me the time that is entire has struggled whenever I’ve held it’s place in relationships, that have for ages been with dudes. Fast-forward to now and I also find myself during my very first relationship with a lady also it is with Sue’s extremely closest friend of 20 years. We don’t understand why it simply happened nonetheless it did and it also’s good.

She ended up being waiting I was meant to be with her for me to have the “ah ha” moment and realise.

Therefore the only reason she thought through the years because I would never want to be with a girl that we weren’t together was. She blames me personally for the form her relationship has been around when it comes to previous years and she feels that I’ve led her on for the time that is entire.

Sue is quite aggravated beside me and I also have no idea how exactly to navigate the specific situation. She wishes distance, that I have but i will be really upset too at having lost her relationship. She informs me she’s working on her behalf family and relationship now and if that gets better, we are able to be buddies later on. We come together thus I see her each day. Along with her relationship along with her friend that is best hasn’t changed; it is simply ours, which will be the situation. Do you have got any advice about how to salvage this relationship?

What a situation that is messy! I need to state reading your page I happened to be reminded to be fifteen once again whenever my buddies and I also talked about “best friends”, had crushes, got jealous sporadically whenever buddies dated one another and would see red if your mate produced move on some body we liked. However you aren’t teens navigating the turbulent waters of unrequited love, raging hormones and testing the boundaries of relationship I say it, should know better– you are grown women – who dare. As opposed to using the passive approach of thinking this will be one thing taking place for your requirements – i believe it might be more effective in the event that you and Sue took some duty on your own actions and behavior.

Let’s focus on Sue. This woman is in “a committed relationship with kiddies” and blames you when it comes to bad state of her relationship] together with her partner. For all these years anyway especially if you told her you weren’t interested if she is in a committed relationship – why was she pursuing you? You can easily blame other folks nevertheless the the fact is Sue allowed her emotions her and she, not you, is responsible for the state of her relationship with her family for you to consume.

You meanwhile appear unacquainted with why Sue might be upset and feel aggravated that she has been lost by you relationship. If you should be intent on salvaging this relationship you will need to make an effort to comprehend her emotions and start to become truthful about the component you played in producing this present situation. Think about truthfully whether you ever did such a thing to lead her on – knowing as you did that she had romantic emotions for your needs? Could your friendliness or closeness have already been interpreted as flirtation? Would you have put up better boundaries around your friendship? You caused if you answered “yes” – consider apologising to Sue for any upset.

You don’t mention exactly exactly how Sue discovered regarding the brand new relationship but from you directly – think about how that made her feel if it wasn’t. Have actually you attempted to reveal to her exactly exactly how you out of the blue became drawn to a female (particularly person who is her companion) whenever for many years you stated you might never fancy some body of your intercourse? Once you understand the facts will help her to understand a small better.

So what does your partner that is new think the specific situation?

It appears amazing that her relationship with Sue has remained unscathed. Did she perhaps perhaps maybe not realize that Sue was at love she made her move with you before? But, as Sue is not upset she could help you to re-build your relationship with her, perhaps. Decide to try asking on her insights on Sue’s responses as well as perhaps some suggestions about exactly what might improve issues.

My suggestion is to speak with Sue, apologise if you want to and talk about means of moving forward together with your relationship and working relationship. However it maybe that Sue can’t or move that is won’t using this. If that may be the ful situation – you’ve got no choice but to respect her emotions and also to keep her to re-build her relationships. Often readiness is knowing when you should keep well alone.


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